The Wilderness

The voice of the Lord had instructed me to “Come to Him daily” for all that I needed. He reminded me that the Israelites too, had to go out daily and collect what they needed each day to sustain them while they were in the wilderness. The Lord was telling me to come to Him and collect the manna, the ‘bread of heaven’ (John 6:31). Before this invitation, my daily routine consisted of me mustering up enough confidence to talk myself out of the car and into the building. Giving myself the pep talk of “It’s only 8 hours, you can do this!”

Was I getting ready to walk in to a prison you ask?

Why no… just walking into work.

I did not work at a prison, but I did however work at one of the country’s top university’s medical center. I became a little fish in a big pond. I found myself overwhelmed by the hustle, pace, and the endless details. I worked so hard to keep my head above water, but still feared I would drown. I was afraid to fail and unsettled by the struggle. It was just another daily routine of anxiety, stress, uncertainty, and pressure, and as I threw up a little s.o.s. towards the sky, the Lord offered me a new daily routine….His presence. His presence was found in the exchange of my fears for his plans and promises. His presence was found in my confessions that all my attempts of self sufficiency would never be greater than His already established sufficiency. His presence was found in my loosened grip of my own conclusions and found in the clinging to His word.

His presence was my manna, the sustenance I needed to get through my days. It humbled me and tested me each day to return to the Lord in order to receive what He had for me. It wasn’t easy for me to press in and seek the Lord when I felt so overwhelmed and uncomfortable, but the words of encouragement and the words of His promises, helped me to shed off those heavy layers of doubt, fear, and anxiety. The manna was an unfamiliar substance to the Israelites. They had never known God to provide for them in such a way, nor did I for my own wilderness season. God instructed them to go out daily and collect only what they needed for that day, but some tried to gather more and hoard it away, but then it would spoil over night (Exodus 16:4&20). God never intended for the manna to be stored away so they could skip a few days and not return to Him. I wasn’t supposed to be a moment of them taking care of themselves instead of letting God to provide and take care of them. The time in the wilderness will train us and teach us how we should really approach and rely on God alone.

The Lord was calling me out away from the things I had been carrying around with me in my familiar spaces, and it took the unfamiliar places to bring them out. There are just certain things that can not go with us into our promised land, like: old mindsets, a stubborn heart, a lack of faith, and the biggest of all, a lack of knowledge of the Lord.

This was just the beginning of the many steps I had to learn how to take out into the wilderness. The Israelites wanted to go back to Egypt where they came from, I also wanted to go back to the familiar place I came from.

Just like the Israelites who complained and struggled during their journey through the wilderness, I complained and struggled though my journey in the wilderness too (Exodus 16:3).The crazy part is, I didn’t realize I had been in the wilderness until the Lord started to call me out of it. God never told the Israelites to stay and build houses in the wilderness, but they stayed in tents so they could keep moving. It’s a temporay journey with multiple stops along the way, so don’t be afraid it will never end, but don’t get too comfortable staying there either.

I believe the wilderness is….

The introduction of your old self, to your new self.

A show and tell, where God shows and tells you exactly who He is.

An exchange of your control for His preparation.

A place where you learn life lessons about the life you haven’t lived yet.